Mind-Shop Version Beta

You know when you're just feeling off? 

It's the psychological equivalent of all at once feeling bloated, having frizzy hair and an unfamiliar taste in your mouth, and knowing that your butt crack shows over the top of your jeans every time you bend over- without necessarily requiring any of those physical symptoms. 

As my good friend Alannis one said to me, it's a black fly in your chardonnay. Even if it's not black fly season and there couldn't possibly be a black fly in your chardonnay, the way you're feeling about your chardonnay today, you'll just mind-shop one in anyway. By mind-shop, I'm referring to our uncanny ability to alter objective facts and create our own realities as simply as we reduce red-eyes with photoshop. And yes, I think that virtually every experience most of us have, goes through mind-shop before taking its place amongst the rest of our memories as a screensaver.  

Today I mind-shopped billions of spoons into the picture, even though all I really needed was a knife. 

I hope I'm not crossing that very fine line between blog and online journal by divulging the convoluted details of my nonexistent glass of chardonnay. However, because I still don't really know what it is that I blog about, nor have I ever drank chardonnay in its literal form, I guess I don't really have much to lose. Right?

Anyways, it's really only been about 2.5 days that the silverware drawer of my life has felt so imbalanced.

Unfortunately though, I suffer from an eternity syndrome which swiftly erases from my memory all past mental states, thus leaving me certain that how I am feeling now is how I have always felt and how I will always feel. 

Don't ask me when I was officially diagnosed, because I have no idea- it feels like forever. Ha. Oy. Hmm.

...Although I've really enjoyed writing this blog once a week, I woke up this morning and decided I would rather hide beneath the quilt of my eternal slump than make myself feel better by doing things that I enjoy. After all, I fabricated that quilt myself! In a flash of uncharacteristic decisiveness, my self-deprecating choice was made: I was not going to write today. Eureka! (I just realized that I don't think I've ever said the word Eureka out loud. Could be the eternity syndrome acting up again though...) 

I pulled the Quilt of Stagnancy back over my head, thereby propelling my conditioned mind onward in its patterns of illusory rationalizations as to why I should make decisions that are not conducive to my own happiness. 

Now is when I wish I could tell you that I regained control of the mind-shop program and engineered myself some good times, but the truth is that I sort of just wallowed for most of the day. 

BUT I did eventually manage to plant myself in front of this computer, and as I write a couple things are becoming clearer.  

**If you have managed to navigate through the superfluity of my ridiculous metaphors and make it to this point, then I really appreciate  you sticking with me**

It's just that--and again, if I were in a bad mood I'd probably find this really obnoxious-- life is so absurd and also appears to be so short that it just doesn't make sense to not enjoy. 

We just might as well be happy, rather than weave quilts that drag us down. 

Even as I write this, I know that I will constantly forget it and inevitably fall in and out slumps for the rest of my life, but right now in this moment all I can think is that we just 

might

as well

enjoy.

We just might as well.

In a strange flash of clarity that point seems so laughably obvious. 

It doesn't mean that I have to change what I'm doing, or that I can't read in bed all day, it just means that I might as well just really enjoy doing it.

Mind-Shop Version Beta.

Now suddenly, the thought of drinking a black fly doesn't even seem like such a big deal. And when I think about it, I don't think I really need a knife that badly. A spoon would probably do. 

... I wonder how long I can keep this mindset going for. I'm taking bets.