It all started before I, my parents' eldest human child, was born. Although I find it quite a challenging exercise in humility to conceive of my parents beyond the boxes of mother and father that they have come to occupy so thoroughly in my reality, there is documented evidence that they existed before I was born.
That said, I have not entirely ruled out the possibility that the universe clicked into being on January 11, 1988 at the exact moment that my abnormally large and bald head transitioned from womb to world-- you should know that although I've grown into it, my head was once so disproportionately large that the collars of my shirts had to be cut by those parental figures I told you about... and that I was bald for an unusually long time.
But really, I have not yet figured out how to access the world by a means other than my fickle (but not malicious) senses, so technically (probably not technically) my universe started then.
It is therefore, in the self absorbed vortex of my own subjectivity, appropriate to say that BEFORE THE DAWN OF TIME, my parents had a dog named Doobie. You know, like a joint.
Anywho, Doobie may or may not have been out of her mind, depending on what that phrase means and if it makes sense, but she jumped all over everyone, licked the lotion off my mother's calves and for the last several years of her 15 year old life pooed and peed all over our basement.
Nonetheless my mother adored her endlessly, my father played it cool but did as well, and my siblings and I coexisted in relatively disinterested peace alongside her- my parents' eldest child.
Doobie, z"l, died nine years ago. Slightly less than 9 years ago, my mother began her petition for a new dog.
Thwarted (awkward word) time and again, my mother ultimately resigned to her fate of living in a house with only human beings, the occasional short lived fruit fly infestation, and the vast multiplicity of organisms that we assume do not exist because we cannot see them with our own eyes.
**FAST FORWARD THROUGH BRACES, NATURAL DISASTERS (INCLUDING SOME NOTABLE ONES THAT WEREN'T IN IMPOVERISHED COUNTRIES), MOVING TO FOREST HILL, THE FINANCIAL RECESSION AND MY YOUNGEST SISTER'S GRADUATION FROM HIGH SCHOOL**
My parents were on the verge of becoming empty nesters, and alah vashalom (pronounced "all of a sudden"), a canine love receptacle was back on the table. But the thing is, they're not really becoming empty nesters- I'm moving back home!! (two thumbs up, forced smile, uncomfortable head tilt)
So, it came to pass, that after months of deliberation and my dad having a nightmare that my mom got in a violent car crash which prompted him to become very accommodating during waking life, my family (mother) decided to "get a dog."
An exhaustive online search led us (her) to an Illinois-based breeder with a batch of Aussiedoodles, a strain of dog not found in nature, but manufactured by Joyce (?) for international distribution.
After making it explicitly clear that I have no intention of taking this dog for walks in the dead of winter as my mother sips Merlot and reads her latest book in the living room, I allowed myself to be comforted by the soothing voices of dog trainers imported into our kitchen via the audiotapes that underlay daily life as we counted down to the arrival of our American package.
Finally, on Thursday evening my parents went to THE AIRPORT to pick up "our" dog. She had flown into Pearson, after a several hour layover in Atlanta, and needed some human aid in clearing customs.
**Is that not the most absurd thing you've ever heard?**
Truth is this dog is beautiful. But when I see her scampering around the kitchen I can't help but think, "what the hell are you doing here?" I find domesticated animals an absolutely hilarious and mind boggling phenomenon, but as a good friend pointed out we can't really reverse the process at this point, even if we wanted to. Case in point: the dog pooed outside. We all applauded. But then my parents had to cut off chunks of her butt hair because there was poo stuck to it . And it was irritating her.
Are you serious? I feel like I'd have a better chance of surviving in the wild than this little creature that now lives in my house, licks my toes, and can't be left alone without crying.
I just hope she doesn't hijack all of the attention, and leave me to spiral downward into the grips of post-undergrad uncertainty without the parental attention I've grown so melodramatically accustomed to...oy.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
I can't believe it's not butter.
So.
I've started a blog.
Excuse my redundancy, obviously that's obvious (and again). But the thing is, it appears I'm not entirely comfortable with it.
Reasons include: I'm just a regular everyday gal who's (whose?) moved back in with her parents after gallavanting around in pursuit of an undergraduate degree for 4 years. That's misleading, I don't think the degree was really the focal point of my time at McGill because, let's be honest here, it was made clear to me as a socially awkward young tomboy that its attainment was never really in question.
So I guess really I was just gallavanting. Now I'm back in Toronto after backpacking India for 7 weeks- where surprisingly I actually did not locate myself, but did pick up some harshly worded intestinal bacteria- and apparantly have to discern what goes down in early September if not a back-to-school shop for new highlighters to replace the ones I never used last year. And how to feel succesful and productive if no one gives me a three-hole punched rubric explaining the criteria for excellency. Maybe an Ultimate Frisbee leauge?
hmm..
Anyways, I'm insecure about starting a blog because the assumption that people care is a leap I'm not quite ready to make. But, my mother and grandmother have assured me they'll read it. That's three generations including myself- not a bad start.
While in India, I wrote three mass emails home. I've pasted them into this blog because it makes it seem more substantial, and because they were really what got this ball rolling
And by ball rolling I mean people enjoyed the emails and suggested I should blog, I immediately got defensive and refused, deliberated for weeks, brought it up in conversation with people I already knew would support me and thereby generated the positive reinforcement I needed to make a WEBSITE
Let me just say that every single website name is taken. It's hard enough to think of something not-lame, let alone throw in dashes and take out vowels because the billion other bloggers that will handedly outshadow your feeble attempts have already thought of them. I tried all my favorite pallindromes (I love pallindromes), even spotblog.blogspot was taken. I'm actually thankful about that. It's not even a real pallindrome anyways. I even tried pterodactyl.blogspot, after looking up its proper spelling online. TAKEN. That one hurt.
Oh, and I had this romantic vision of myself "blogging" in my backyard. I literally brought this laptop outside on four different occasions today. Each time it started raining within ten seconds. "Well, I guess I can't start my blog today," I thought to myself. Now I'm in the kitchen. "Blogging." But at least I'm wearing a flowy scarf with nondescript flowers. But my hair is frizzy from the rain.
Whatever.
I've started a blog.
Excuse my redundancy, obviously that's obvious (and again). But the thing is, it appears I'm not entirely comfortable with it.
Reasons include: I'm just a regular everyday gal who's (whose?) moved back in with her parents after gallavanting around in pursuit of an undergraduate degree for 4 years. That's misleading, I don't think the degree was really the focal point of my time at McGill because, let's be honest here, it was made clear to me as a socially awkward young tomboy that its attainment was never really in question.
So I guess really I was just gallavanting. Now I'm back in Toronto after backpacking India for 7 weeks- where surprisingly I actually did not locate myself, but did pick up some harshly worded intestinal bacteria- and apparantly have to discern what goes down in early September if not a back-to-school shop for new highlighters to replace the ones I never used last year. And how to feel succesful and productive if no one gives me a three-hole punched rubric explaining the criteria for excellency. Maybe an Ultimate Frisbee leauge?
hmm..
Anyways, I'm insecure about starting a blog because the assumption that people care is a leap I'm not quite ready to make. But, my mother and grandmother have assured me they'll read it. That's three generations including myself- not a bad start.
While in India, I wrote three mass emails home. I've pasted them into this blog because it makes it seem more substantial, and because they were really what got this ball rolling
And by ball rolling I mean people enjoyed the emails and suggested I should blog, I immediately got defensive and refused, deliberated for weeks, brought it up in conversation with people I already knew would support me and thereby generated the positive reinforcement I needed to make a WEBSITE
Let me just say that every single website name is taken. It's hard enough to think of something not-lame, let alone throw in dashes and take out vowels because the billion other bloggers that will handedly outshadow your feeble attempts have already thought of them. I tried all my favorite pallindromes (I love pallindromes), even spotblog.blogspot was taken. I'm actually thankful about that. It's not even a real pallindrome anyways. I even tried pterodactyl.blogspot, after looking up its proper spelling online. TAKEN. That one hurt.
Oh, and I had this romantic vision of myself "blogging" in my backyard. I literally brought this laptop outside on four different occasions today. Each time it started raining within ten seconds. "Well, I guess I can't start my blog today," I thought to myself. Now I'm in the kitchen. "Blogging." But at least I'm wearing a flowy scarf with nondescript flowers. But my hair is frizzy from the rain.
Whatever.
India Mass Email 3- July 27
HI!
HELLOOOOOOO
So the inspiration for writing this email came this morning. I woke up naturally at 7 am, a feat which is less impressive considering I had fallen asleep at 9 pm the night before (but I'm getting ahead of myself), and went onto the roof of my guesthouse. We have been in Leh since Thursday morning, an insanely beautiful little town nestled within the Himalayan mountains. Anyways, I thought perhaps I'd perch myself on the roof and by meditating on the incomprehensible vastness of the snow-capped Himalayas, maybe acquire some of that all-elusive humility. It was a valiant effort, but in actuality more closely resembled something like this: i'm so proud of myself for getting up this early and coming on to the roof, i wonder if i'll get weird attention if i wear my dress today, shit but if i wear a dress how will i wear my money belt, i'm getting hungy, what time is check out, will the electricity work today, lee would love these mountains (shout out!), uch but i really wanna wear my dress, maybe i'll write a mass email today!
AND HERE WE ARE, no less humble, but i definitely enjoyed the view and laughing at myself
SO last I wrote I had somewhat hijacked this medium to recover from the sketchy nighttime groping... I'm please to report I've since let that go to some degree and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of my time in Rishikesh. We spent about 5 days there in beautiful, and much awaited, greenery. I have felt a bit of constant tension on this trip between wanting to cover as much ground as possible because there is simply so much to see, and settling in places that feel good. The Rish was one such place, and the slower pace, cleaner air, and more relaxed lifestyle was much appreciated. We also found an ashram there that ran without question THE GREATEST YOGA CLASSES I HAVE EVER TAKEN PART IN. I am by no means an expert, but this one just felt great... especially because it turned out I had been really missing being active, and that unique hunger you only feel after exercise. I liked it so much that I even went to a 6 AM class, after which I read my book while drinking chai. After which I went back to sleep for 2 hours. Other Rishikesh highlights included meeting some wonderful people and hiking to a beautiful waterfall, which remains our only swim in India thus far. I LOVE WATER.
From there we went to Amritsar, the Sikh hotspot and our first taste of the state of Punjab. We spent most of our time around the Golden Temple, which is a Sikh holy place and SO beautiful, both visually and spiritually, in my opinion. There was a 24 hour free kitchen. TWENTY FOUR HOURS. From what I was able to gather, the entire community shares the responsibility of running it and at anypoint in the day, anyone regardless of religion or nationality or gender or any other divisive labels can come and be fed a delicious meal while sitting on the floor among HUNDREDS of other visitors. So cool. I also spent several hours on the train over talking with an Indian female who was working on her Phd in woman and work in a rural village in Punjab. It was fascinating to speak with her, we both actually got quite emotional (me especially though, I'll admit) and such a pleasant change of pace to finally hear the voice of a woman (literally and figuratively!!!!)
There's absolutely no way I'm properly conveying how cool the golden temple was, if you're interested please do look it up.
We carried on to Chandigarh for a night on our way to the Delhi airport, thinking of it mostly as a means to an end. I suppose unsurprisingly, it was an incredibly cool experience as well. It is the only 'planned' city in India and as such had a totally different vibe. There we went to a crazy cool recycling garden that had walls made out of old outlets, women made of broken bangles, animals of tiles.. it was great! Especially since the accumulated guilt of incessantly purchasing water bottles has been slowly taking its toll on me. Not that this allowed me to stop buying water bottles, but at least it reminded me that recycling exists- whatever.
So fastforwarding to Wed night (and skipping a painful amount) we got to the Delhi airport at about 10 pm to catch a flight for Leh that left at 6 the next morning. We both are luckily gifted with the ability to sleep in any place under any circumstance, and had no problem sleeping soundly on benches until boarding time.
OK NOW I'M COMING TO THE BEST PART
Uri, Debbie's boyfriend who I'd never met, had been secretly conspiring with me via email to come visit for a week... and was waiting outside the airport with a flower. !!! I couldn't tell you, it was a secret.
Pre his arrival: was I excited: yes! was I super nervous about the implications: most definitely!
But turns out he's a fabulous fellow (shout out #2) who did not hijack my travel partner for a week long honeymoon in the Himalayas, but rather ensured that we all (I) felt comfortable. It was really fun :)
Ok it's getting too long I realize. BUT we went on a trek! A long series of miscalculations and miscommunications led us to do a four day trek in 2 days. We literally hiked 18 hours in 2 days. Before our departure, we told the travel agent that we were not looking for anything too strenuous, just wanted to walk through some beautiful scenery and have a nice time. When we got back trek leaders told us that THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE DO THAT TREK IN 2 DAYS
That said, it was absolutely incredible. THE HIMALAYAS
The beauty and the altitude combined to create the most visually and physically breathtaking experience of my life. bold statement- but really. To the point that every picture I took frustrated me with its inadequacy and to the point that we climbed to a mountain 4900 m above sea level and had to stop every 15 steps or so to catch our breath and slow our heart rate.
Overnight we had a homestay in a small village, ate AMAZING food, nursed the biggest blisters I have ever seen, tried to get the Tibetan kids to take interest in us, and fell asleep unconscious for 10 hours before beginning all over again the next morning.
So that's why I went to bed at 9 last night. Good, now we're all caught up.
But I'm a bit nervous, tonight we're leaving Leh at midnight on a TWENTY HOUR ride in an 11 person car to Manali. Apparantly the overwhelming majority of the road is not paved, and the ride closely resembles a sort of hell. And we booked late so we have the worst seats. Hopefully that sleeping gift works its magic tonight. Or the drowsy anti-nausea pills I'm now going to search for.
Oy.
ALL MY LOVE (that phrase makes no sense)
Amy
ps. I feel frustrated with this email. there's so much i couldn't say. but to sum up: india is nuts, and this has all been quite the ridiculous experience. as i told some of you, i've realized that while ppl think you learn to let go in India via meditation or yoga, I think that really you learn to let go because everything is so potentially frustrating that if you don't you will vomit out your dignity and absolutely lose your mind.
HELLOOOOOOO
So the inspiration for writing this email came this morning. I woke up naturally at 7 am, a feat which is less impressive considering I had fallen asleep at 9 pm the night before (but I'm getting ahead of myself), and went onto the roof of my guesthouse. We have been in Leh since Thursday morning, an insanely beautiful little town nestled within the Himalayan mountains. Anyways, I thought perhaps I'd perch myself on the roof and by meditating on the incomprehensible vastness of the snow-capped Himalayas, maybe acquire some of that all-elusive humility. It was a valiant effort, but in actuality more closely resembled something like this: i'm so proud of myself for getting up this early and coming on to the roof, i wonder if i'll get weird attention if i wear my dress today, shit but if i wear a dress how will i wear my money belt, i'm getting hungy, what time is check out, will the electricity work today, lee would love these mountains (shout out!), uch but i really wanna wear my dress, maybe i'll write a mass email today!
AND HERE WE ARE, no less humble, but i definitely enjoyed the view and laughing at myself
SO last I wrote I had somewhat hijacked this medium to recover from the sketchy nighttime groping... I'm please to report I've since let that go to some degree and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of my time in Rishikesh. We spent about 5 days there in beautiful, and much awaited, greenery. I have felt a bit of constant tension on this trip between wanting to cover as much ground as possible because there is simply so much to see, and settling in places that feel good. The Rish was one such place, and the slower pace, cleaner air, and more relaxed lifestyle was much appreciated. We also found an ashram there that ran without question THE GREATEST YOGA CLASSES I HAVE EVER TAKEN PART IN. I am by no means an expert, but this one just felt great... especially because it turned out I had been really missing being active, and that unique hunger you only feel after exercise. I liked it so much that I even went to a 6 AM class, after which I read my book while drinking chai. After which I went back to sleep for 2 hours. Other Rishikesh highlights included meeting some wonderful people and hiking to a beautiful waterfall, which remains our only swim in India thus far. I LOVE WATER.
From there we went to Amritsar, the Sikh hotspot and our first taste of the state of Punjab. We spent most of our time around the Golden Temple, which is a Sikh holy place and SO beautiful, both visually and spiritually, in my opinion. There was a 24 hour free kitchen. TWENTY FOUR HOURS. From what I was able to gather, the entire community shares the responsibility of running it and at anypoint in the day, anyone regardless of religion or nationality or gender or any other divisive labels can come and be fed a delicious meal while sitting on the floor among HUNDREDS of other visitors. So cool. I also spent several hours on the train over talking with an Indian female who was working on her Phd in woman and work in a rural village in Punjab. It was fascinating to speak with her, we both actually got quite emotional (me especially though, I'll admit) and such a pleasant change of pace to finally hear the voice of a woman (literally and figuratively!!!!)
There's absolutely no way I'm properly conveying how cool the golden temple was, if you're interested please do look it up.
We carried on to Chandigarh for a night on our way to the Delhi airport, thinking of it mostly as a means to an end. I suppose unsurprisingly, it was an incredibly cool experience as well. It is the only 'planned' city in India and as such had a totally different vibe. There we went to a crazy cool recycling garden that had walls made out of old outlets, women made of broken bangles, animals of tiles.. it was great! Especially since the accumulated guilt of incessantly purchasing water bottles has been slowly taking its toll on me. Not that this allowed me to stop buying water bottles, but at least it reminded me that recycling exists- whatever.
So fastforwarding to Wed night (and skipping a painful amount) we got to the Delhi airport at about 10 pm to catch a flight for Leh that left at 6 the next morning. We both are luckily gifted with the ability to sleep in any place under any circumstance, and had no problem sleeping soundly on benches until boarding time.
OK NOW I'M COMING TO THE BEST PART
Uri, Debbie's boyfriend who I'd never met, had been secretly conspiring with me via email to come visit for a week... and was waiting outside the airport with a flower. !!! I couldn't tell you, it was a secret.
Pre his arrival: was I excited: yes! was I super nervous about the implications: most definitely!
But turns out he's a fabulous fellow (shout out #2) who did not hijack my travel partner for a week long honeymoon in the Himalayas, but rather ensured that we all (I) felt comfortable. It was really fun :)
Ok it's getting too long I realize. BUT we went on a trek! A long series of miscalculations and miscommunications led us to do a four day trek in 2 days. We literally hiked 18 hours in 2 days. Before our departure, we told the travel agent that we were not looking for anything too strenuous, just wanted to walk through some beautiful scenery and have a nice time. When we got back trek leaders told us that THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE DO THAT TREK IN 2 DAYS
That said, it was absolutely incredible. THE HIMALAYAS
The beauty and the altitude combined to create the most visually and physically breathtaking experience of my life. bold statement- but really. To the point that every picture I took frustrated me with its inadequacy and to the point that we climbed to a mountain 4900 m above sea level and had to stop every 15 steps or so to catch our breath and slow our heart rate.
Overnight we had a homestay in a small village, ate AMAZING food, nursed the biggest blisters I have ever seen, tried to get the Tibetan kids to take interest in us, and fell asleep unconscious for 10 hours before beginning all over again the next morning.
So that's why I went to bed at 9 last night. Good, now we're all caught up.
But I'm a bit nervous, tonight we're leaving Leh at midnight on a TWENTY HOUR ride in an 11 person car to Manali. Apparantly the overwhelming majority of the road is not paved, and the ride closely resembles a sort of hell. And we booked late so we have the worst seats. Hopefully that sleeping gift works its magic tonight. Or the drowsy anti-nausea pills I'm now going to search for.
Oy.
ALL MY LOVE (that phrase makes no sense)
Amy
ps. I feel frustrated with this email. there's so much i couldn't say. but to sum up: india is nuts, and this has all been quite the ridiculous experience. as i told some of you, i've realized that while ppl think you learn to let go in India via meditation or yoga, I think that really you learn to let go because everything is so potentially frustrating that if you don't you will vomit out your dignity and absolutely lose your mind.
India Mass Email 2- July 15
Greetings earthlings,
I hope all your worlds have been spinning smoothly since my last email. Today marks three weeks in India which, for me, is in itself a disorienting enough statement to warrant its own mass email separate from this update. I'd like to thank you all for existing in such a way that makes me feel comfortable writing this virtual journalthing because not only did I so appreciate your responses, but the process just honestly really helps me out.
Debbie and I ended up spending about 5 days in the relative tranquility of Pushkar, and with a promise to continuosly remind ourselves and eachother of the importance-NECCESSITY-of cultivating our "inner Pushkars" we strapped on our ridiculously conspicous bags and delved into the insanity of travelling India by train. Our next stop was Jaipur (you may remember it for its thriving callgirl industry). **inhale**we got on a bus and were stared at for the entire duration of the trip and it took us to a train station instead of a bus station like we thought and then we ran around the train station trying to find out if there even were trains going to japiur it turned out there was one in like 15 minutes but for some reason no one would sell us a ticket so we ran around yelling until we finally got one and jumped on the train just in time but it turned out to be general class which is INSANE but then we met this man who used to play for the national field hockey team (?) and had the biggest smile in the world and he told us when our stop was but we didnt anticipate the anarchy of stopping the train and when we tried to get off we were almost trampled by people trying to get on and i pushed with all my years of hockey training and with my elbows out and finally we made it off the train and the smiley man bought us ice cream **Exhale** Needless to say the inner pushkar didn't last long.
In Jaipur we met a rickshaw driver named Sabir who we hired to show us around all the Jaipur must-sees. After a really great day of sight seeing, which included a textile factory, a MONKEY TEMPLE, a water palace and an observatory that I did not even remotely understand, he and his cousin took us to see their guru.
OK. guru, i know. but the thing is, they swore by him, he was free, and whatever we were intrigued! This man looked like Ralph, seemed really exhausted and burdened by his gift/powers/obligation/?!?!! and KJNEW THE WEIRDEST STUFF ABOUT BOTH OF US. Moved us both to tears, very confusing and strange, and ultimately it just worked me into such a frenzy that I had to scour the city for a phone to call my mom. i know, i don't know, noknowno, whatever. but perhaps just take the instantly erratic change in writing style as an indication of how _____ the whole experience was.
ONWARDS- Sabir invited us home for dinner and even though we had a great day with him we were a little hesitant to accept because of the incesssant warnings we get from every Indian man we befriend NOT TO TRUST ANY INDIAN MEN. In the end (?) our desperation for goodness got the better of us and we agreed- I am so happy we agreed! It was really such a wonderful experience to spend several hours in an Indian home and be exposed to a more personal dimension of the people working the tourism industry that we constantly encounter. He told us on the way that he had a surprise for us... when we parked in front of his place the surprise greeted us in the form of his three screaming giggling and beautiful children and all their friends. Although Debbie's deep-seated fear of lice was extremely agitated, the whole evening was really so fun for us.
The next morning we walked back to the train station to catch our 6 AM ride to Agra and see for ourselves about this whole Taj Mahal business. As it happens, we arrived on the anniversary of the death of the woman for whom it was built... in other words it was a HUGE muslim festival and there were pilgrims flocking from all over India AND it was free for the entire duration of our stay. (Normally it's 750 rupees for foreigners and 20 for Indians). OK, I really didn't expect to be at all emotionally impacted by the Taj... but something about the coexistence of its sheer enormity and minute intricacy was deeply moving for me.
At night we flew lit up kites from the roof top with the Indian family that lived next to our guesthouse, and reunited with some friends we made in Pushkar. Crap. The power died in here about 15 seconds ago and there are already beads of sweat dripping down my face.
From Agra we took an on overnight train to Varanasi. More affectionately termed in my head as 'vara-nasty'.. or even, 'VERY NASTY' depedning on my mood. But wait, I just have to tell you that I love sleeper trains. Love them. Uch they're so great. I asked Debbie if it would be appropriate to put 'sleeper trains' as my interests on facebook and she said prob unnecessary.
We took a sunset boat ride along the Ganges and watched the Brahmins performing their - FAN BACK ON- nightly rituals which was raelly fascinating. So much so that we got up at 4:45 the next morning to doit all over again with the sunrise- WOO HOOO
We also spent much of our time watching families build fires and then cremate the bodies of their loved ones on the banks of the ganges. Period.
We also met a yoga master who claimed to be able to stop his own pulse through concentration and showed us pictures of him swallowing five meters of cotton and then pulling it back out and various other nonchalant yoga practices.
OK. I'm sorry I know this getting lengthly. The thing is there's just so much more I want to share.
*skipping anecdotes to some thoughts*
I am having an experience in India that I really don't know how to apply any adjectives to. not in an 'ooo i'm so cool bc i'm in the exotic east and you wouldn't get it bc its just so esoteric' type way. Rather in a, 'shit, there's a lot going on here and i'm having a hard time working through it and dont feel so comfortable pretending i know the deal' type way. Ya know?
In no way do I wish to communicate some fabricated impression of perfection, inner peace or impending enlightenment. I have not fallen in love with Indian culture, I do not compare it wistfully to some notion of the spritually vaccuous West, and I will not return home only to berate North American commercialism and individualism as I parade around in my loose fitting Indian clothing and complain about Canadian chai.
I have been revolted to what I imagine to be my core at the oppressive displays of patriarchy and disrespect I've witnessed being directed towards Indian women and in some instances to myself. I have also been moved to audible laughter at displays of love and gentleness I've experienced from Indian men, and seen them show their grandmothers and daughters.
I have felt violated as a woman and targetted as a foreigner. I have felt protected as a woman and welcomed as a visitor. Serendipitous as it may seem, every instance of extreme negativity has been immediately followed by inspireing kindness. I suppose the pattern could be seen as progressing in the other direction, but I think I'd rather live my life with the arrows pointing this way for now at least.
And that's what I really like about India. There are 1.17 billion people and an enormous landscape. It simply cannot fit into a box. There is no box I can conceive of that is big enough. and as much as myself and the other travellers I've met have tried (and as much as I wish I didn't feel the need to try) we simply cannot label or define it. There is a popular saying here that 'not all five fingers are the same.' Even though they all come from the same place and are intimately connected, they are each manifested uniquely. Last night we were walking home and the city lost power. we felt we were being followed several times. A man drove right up to us on his motorcycle, turned off the light and grabbed my chest and then drove away. I didn't even see his face. We immediately turned into a guesthouse. The couple that owned it took us into their home, made us chai, and the gentlefaced husband tried valiantly, though unsucesfully to stop my crying. He introduced me to his mother and offered us rooms for free. Finally they sent us back to our hotel on motorcycles and made us promise to come back today and visit.
Not all five fingers are the same. I have no idea how to apply adjectives to this trip. Thanks for reading this far, and for giving me this space to write
I love you,
Amy
And please don't worry, we are being careful I promise
I hope all your worlds have been spinning smoothly since my last email. Today marks three weeks in India which, for me, is in itself a disorienting enough statement to warrant its own mass email separate from this update. I'd like to thank you all for existing in such a way that makes me feel comfortable writing this virtual journalthing because not only did I so appreciate your responses, but the process just honestly really helps me out.
Debbie and I ended up spending about 5 days in the relative tranquility of Pushkar, and with a promise to continuosly remind ourselves and eachother of the importance-NECCESSITY-of cultivating our "inner Pushkars" we strapped on our ridiculously conspicous bags and delved into the insanity of travelling India by train. Our next stop was Jaipur (you may remember it for its thriving callgirl industry). **inhale**we got on a bus and were stared at for the entire duration of the trip and it took us to a train station instead of a bus station like we thought and then we ran around the train station trying to find out if there even were trains going to japiur it turned out there was one in like 15 minutes but for some reason no one would sell us a ticket so we ran around yelling until we finally got one and jumped on the train just in time but it turned out to be general class which is INSANE but then we met this man who used to play for the national field hockey team (?) and had the biggest smile in the world and he told us when our stop was but we didnt anticipate the anarchy of stopping the train and when we tried to get off we were almost trampled by people trying to get on and i pushed with all my years of hockey training and with my elbows out and finally we made it off the train and the smiley man bought us ice cream **Exhale** Needless to say the inner pushkar didn't last long.
In Jaipur we met a rickshaw driver named Sabir who we hired to show us around all the Jaipur must-sees. After a really great day of sight seeing, which included a textile factory, a MONKEY TEMPLE, a water palace and an observatory that I did not even remotely understand, he and his cousin took us to see their guru.
OK. guru, i know. but the thing is, they swore by him, he was free, and whatever we were intrigued! This man looked like Ralph, seemed really exhausted and burdened by his gift/powers/obligation/?!?!! and KJNEW THE WEIRDEST STUFF ABOUT BOTH OF US. Moved us both to tears, very confusing and strange, and ultimately it just worked me into such a frenzy that I had to scour the city for a phone to call my mom. i know, i don't know, noknowno, whatever. but perhaps just take the instantly erratic change in writing style as an indication of how _____ the whole experience was.
ONWARDS- Sabir invited us home for dinner and even though we had a great day with him we were a little hesitant to accept because of the incesssant warnings we get from every Indian man we befriend NOT TO TRUST ANY INDIAN MEN. In the end (?) our desperation for goodness got the better of us and we agreed- I am so happy we agreed! It was really such a wonderful experience to spend several hours in an Indian home and be exposed to a more personal dimension of the people working the tourism industry that we constantly encounter. He told us on the way that he had a surprise for us... when we parked in front of his place the surprise greeted us in the form of his three screaming giggling and beautiful children and all their friends. Although Debbie's deep-seated fear of lice was extremely agitated, the whole evening was really so fun for us.
The next morning we walked back to the train station to catch our 6 AM ride to Agra and see for ourselves about this whole Taj Mahal business. As it happens, we arrived on the anniversary of the death of the woman for whom it was built... in other words it was a HUGE muslim festival and there were pilgrims flocking from all over India AND it was free for the entire duration of our stay. (Normally it's 750 rupees for foreigners and 20 for Indians). OK, I really didn't expect to be at all emotionally impacted by the Taj... but something about the coexistence of its sheer enormity and minute intricacy was deeply moving for me.
At night we flew lit up kites from the roof top with the Indian family that lived next to our guesthouse, and reunited with some friends we made in Pushkar. Crap. The power died in here about 15 seconds ago and there are already beads of sweat dripping down my face.
From Agra we took an on overnight train to Varanasi. More affectionately termed in my head as 'vara-nasty'.. or even, 'VERY NASTY' depedning on my mood. But wait, I just have to tell you that I love sleeper trains. Love them. Uch they're so great. I asked Debbie if it would be appropriate to put 'sleeper trains' as my interests on facebook and she said prob unnecessary.
We took a sunset boat ride along the Ganges and watched the Brahmins performing their - FAN BACK ON- nightly rituals which was raelly fascinating. So much so that we got up at 4:45 the next morning to doit all over again with the sunrise- WOO HOOO
We also spent much of our time watching families build fires and then cremate the bodies of their loved ones on the banks of the ganges. Period.
We also met a yoga master who claimed to be able to stop his own pulse through concentration and showed us pictures of him swallowing five meters of cotton and then pulling it back out and various other nonchalant yoga practices.
OK. I'm sorry I know this getting lengthly. The thing is there's just so much more I want to share.
*skipping anecdotes to some thoughts*
I am having an experience in India that I really don't know how to apply any adjectives to. not in an 'ooo i'm so cool bc i'm in the exotic east and you wouldn't get it bc its just so esoteric' type way. Rather in a, 'shit, there's a lot going on here and i'm having a hard time working through it and dont feel so comfortable pretending i know the deal' type way. Ya know?
In no way do I wish to communicate some fabricated impression of perfection, inner peace or impending enlightenment. I have not fallen in love with Indian culture, I do not compare it wistfully to some notion of the spritually vaccuous West, and I will not return home only to berate North American commercialism and individualism as I parade around in my loose fitting Indian clothing and complain about Canadian chai.
I have been revolted to what I imagine to be my core at the oppressive displays of patriarchy and disrespect I've witnessed being directed towards Indian women and in some instances to myself. I have also been moved to audible laughter at displays of love and gentleness I've experienced from Indian men, and seen them show their grandmothers and daughters.
I have felt violated as a woman and targetted as a foreigner. I have felt protected as a woman and welcomed as a visitor. Serendipitous as it may seem, every instance of extreme negativity has been immediately followed by inspireing kindness. I suppose the pattern could be seen as progressing in the other direction, but I think I'd rather live my life with the arrows pointing this way for now at least.
And that's what I really like about India. There are 1.17 billion people and an enormous landscape. It simply cannot fit into a box. There is no box I can conceive of that is big enough. and as much as myself and the other travellers I've met have tried (and as much as I wish I didn't feel the need to try) we simply cannot label or define it. There is a popular saying here that 'not all five fingers are the same.' Even though they all come from the same place and are intimately connected, they are each manifested uniquely. Last night we were walking home and the city lost power. we felt we were being followed several times. A man drove right up to us on his motorcycle, turned off the light and grabbed my chest and then drove away. I didn't even see his face. We immediately turned into a guesthouse. The couple that owned it took us into their home, made us chai, and the gentlefaced husband tried valiantly, though unsucesfully to stop my crying. He introduced me to his mother and offered us rooms for free. Finally they sent us back to our hotel on motorcycles and made us promise to come back today and visit.
Not all five fingers are the same. I have no idea how to apply adjectives to this trip. Thanks for reading this far, and for giving me this space to write
I love you,
Amy
And please don't worry, we are being careful I promise
India Mass Email 1- July 3
Dear family and friends,
Please permit me to begin with the disclaimer that mass emails are new to me and I find them slightly awkward... if my likely disjointed recollection of the past 9 days in India is not of sincere interest to you, please by no means feel obligated to continue reading.
* * *
If you've reached this point, it means you're on board! I do apologize that you are not each receiving your own message, but typing is stressful and computers are overwhelming and it's just really freaking hot here. I'm writing you from Pushkar, which is a small city in the State of Rajasthan celebrated by Hindus as exceptionally holy and by backpacking Israelis as so common a destination that falafels are actually on all the menus here. There are 500 temples dotting the circumference of a lake that takes 45 minutes to walk around and is now virtually empty due to lack of rain. It is famous for its "special" lassis (a yogurt type smoothie). Traversing the void of a once-lake considered so holy you have to take off your shoes to cross its bridge, I am again reminded that I have never before been so in tune with the weather as on this trip. Not only because the smoldering heat (we're talking upwards of 45 degrees) forces you to take notice, but also because the entire state is desperately awaiting the monsoon's arrival. I can definitely understand why communities so dependent on nature for survival would tend towards worship of associated deities.
Wait! Let me start from the beginning
**Interruption** the man beside me is researching "Jaipur call girls"- Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan. Uncomfortable.
So Debbie and I met at the Delhi airport at roughly 5 AM on Thursday the 24th. After a long landing, I sprinted to the airport's bathrooms only to find a glorified hole in the ground which prepared me quickly for the weeks ahead. That morning foreshadowed a week of 5-6 AM jet lagged induced wakeups for me. Reunited and excited we began traipsing around Delhi like the naively confident tourists we were (are?). Within hours we fell victim to an elaborate, almost impressive scam. Although damaging to both our egos and our rupee supply, we were saved from much graver danger by a man named Naresh who may well have been our guardian angel. Please don't worry, we found a way out of the situation and are much more on guard (and I like to think wiser) for it. **details of scam available upon request** After the stresses of it all were relatively dealt with, we went out for drinks with him and another guy we met named Kumar (who showed us around Delhi's Hindu temples) and they showed us the beautiful India Gate lit up at night.
We stayed in Delhi until Sunday morning, and spent Shabbat at the local Chabad house. (Chabad houses are part of a Jewish outreach initiative that I find simultaneously alarming and enjoyable... but after realizing how vulnerable we were in the tourist trap area of our hostel, it was simply comforting. They fed us 3 meals and we met other travelers passing through Delhi)
3 days is far longer than many choose to stay in Delhi, largely because it is notorious for staggering pollution, a burgeoning population of the impoverished and homeless, and for scamming the shit out of India's new arrivals.
We have since been traveling through Rajasthan, which has been a wonderfully tumultuous experience. Though we have yet to head north and escape the heat, we have been fortunate enough to travel through much of this fascinating state. Memorable experiences (I hesitate to use the necessarily evaluative terms 'highlights and lowlights' since everything here is so irretrievably blurred) include an overnight camel safari in the sand dunes of a desert on the outskirts of a small village called Khuri. There we rode camels deep into the desert, passing on our way women traveling long distances in search of water, children leading their animals to drink from a small pool created by a recent rain, and peacocks-buffalo-cows-horses-goats-donkeys- and perhaps most memorably- beetles rolling camel dung along the sand. We slept amidst the dunes and watched the moon climb the rungs of the sky. I have never seen it so bright. We also visited a gorgeous little town called Mandawa where ppl live in havelis, immaculately painted mansions left behind by rich merchants who had profited immensely from the village's position on the silk route. They were mind-blowingly beautiful, and we stayed in a restored one that had been converted into a hotel for about 6 dollars each. A marriage procession passed by our hotel that night, and when I whistled to join in the excitement, the crowd literally went wild. The kids giggled and tugged at my shirt, urging me to do it again, while the men seemed to grant me nods of approval. Then the obviously beligerent brother of the groom literally dragged me into the center of the procession and I danced with them before peacing the scene for fear of the effects of an escalated drunken mob. We also went to a rat temple in Bikaner, which is a temple devoted to a Hindu God, which so happens to be inhabited by HUNDREDS...HUNDREDS of rats who never leave it. According to our guide book there has never been in incident of disease there in over 600 years. It was such a shock to our conventional notion of places of worship, and I found that surprise to be fabulously hilarious.
Pause- I know this is getting lengthly... I'm providing you with another exit point- Last chance to abandon ship.
There are many more anecdotes which I'd love to share, but I think I'll opt for some reflection now instead. I came into this trip with literally no concept of what I was getting myself into. I feared the heat (intense but bearable) and pooing in my pants (stomach turns out to be a huge team player so far). Really, I am being unabashedly honest when I tell you that my only reason for coming was for the experience, whatever it may be, and to hang with Deb... granted, depending on who was asking my response sometimes included an interest prompted by my religious studies major, but I think I fabricated its role in my motivation. For the first several days I periodically found myself asking Debbie what the hell I'm doing here. I still dont know, but I am doing a lot of laughing and am no longer consumed by the question. We are both working towards, in our own ways, letting go of our egos at least a bit (PLEASE) and just not taking ourselves, this trip, or its implicit spiritual quest too seriously. So far that strategy is working out great. :)
We are getting along very well, drinking lots of water, taking lots of pictures (posted an album on facebook, for those who are interested), covering our heads from the sun, meeting lots of people and really just doing lots of happy hanging. We have certainly encountered some obstacles in these short-but-incredibly-long 9 days, but we're working on letting go of their hold over us... wish us luck?
I sincerely hope this email finds you all well. I would really love to hear from each of you, even if only a quick message about where you're at. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this absurd journey with me... I'll write again after a reasonable length of time passes- I suppose when that might be is entirely unpredictable. :)
With love until then and always,
Amy
ps hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Please permit me to begin with the disclaimer that mass emails are new to me and I find them slightly awkward... if my likely disjointed recollection of the past 9 days in India is not of sincere interest to you, please by no means feel obligated to continue reading.
* * *
If you've reached this point, it means you're on board! I do apologize that you are not each receiving your own message, but typing is stressful and computers are overwhelming and it's just really freaking hot here. I'm writing you from Pushkar, which is a small city in the State of Rajasthan celebrated by Hindus as exceptionally holy and by backpacking Israelis as so common a destination that falafels are actually on all the menus here. There are 500 temples dotting the circumference of a lake that takes 45 minutes to walk around and is now virtually empty due to lack of rain. It is famous for its "special" lassis (a yogurt type smoothie). Traversing the void of a once-lake considered so holy you have to take off your shoes to cross its bridge, I am again reminded that I have never before been so in tune with the weather as on this trip. Not only because the smoldering heat (we're talking upwards of 45 degrees) forces you to take notice, but also because the entire state is desperately awaiting the monsoon's arrival. I can definitely understand why communities so dependent on nature for survival would tend towards worship of associated deities.
Wait! Let me start from the beginning
**Interruption** the man beside me is researching "Jaipur call girls"- Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan. Uncomfortable.
So Debbie and I met at the Delhi airport at roughly 5 AM on Thursday the 24th. After a long landing, I sprinted to the airport's bathrooms only to find a glorified hole in the ground which prepared me quickly for the weeks ahead. That morning foreshadowed a week of 5-6 AM jet lagged induced wakeups for me. Reunited and excited we began traipsing around Delhi like the naively confident tourists we were (are?). Within hours we fell victim to an elaborate, almost impressive scam. Although damaging to both our egos and our rupee supply, we were saved from much graver danger by a man named Naresh who may well have been our guardian angel. Please don't worry, we found a way out of the situation and are much more on guard (and I like to think wiser) for it. **details of scam available upon request** After the stresses of it all were relatively dealt with, we went out for drinks with him and another guy we met named Kumar (who showed us around Delhi's Hindu temples) and they showed us the beautiful India Gate lit up at night.
We stayed in Delhi until Sunday morning, and spent Shabbat at the local Chabad house. (Chabad houses are part of a Jewish outreach initiative that I find simultaneously alarming and enjoyable... but after realizing how vulnerable we were in the tourist trap area of our hostel, it was simply comforting. They fed us 3 meals and we met other travelers passing through Delhi)
3 days is far longer than many choose to stay in Delhi, largely because it is notorious for staggering pollution, a burgeoning population of the impoverished and homeless, and for scamming the shit out of India's new arrivals.
We have since been traveling through Rajasthan, which has been a wonderfully tumultuous experience. Though we have yet to head north and escape the heat, we have been fortunate enough to travel through much of this fascinating state. Memorable experiences (I hesitate to use the necessarily evaluative terms 'highlights and lowlights' since everything here is so irretrievably blurred) include an overnight camel safari in the sand dunes of a desert on the outskirts of a small village called Khuri. There we rode camels deep into the desert, passing on our way women traveling long distances in search of water, children leading their animals to drink from a small pool created by a recent rain, and peacocks-buffalo-cows-horses-goats-donkeys- and perhaps most memorably- beetles rolling camel dung along the sand. We slept amidst the dunes and watched the moon climb the rungs of the sky. I have never seen it so bright. We also visited a gorgeous little town called Mandawa where ppl live in havelis, immaculately painted mansions left behind by rich merchants who had profited immensely from the village's position on the silk route. They were mind-blowingly beautiful, and we stayed in a restored one that had been converted into a hotel for about 6 dollars each. A marriage procession passed by our hotel that night, and when I whistled to join in the excitement, the crowd literally went wild. The kids giggled and tugged at my shirt, urging me to do it again, while the men seemed to grant me nods of approval. Then the obviously beligerent brother of the groom literally dragged me into the center of the procession and I danced with them before peacing the scene for fear of the effects of an escalated drunken mob. We also went to a rat temple in Bikaner, which is a temple devoted to a Hindu God, which so happens to be inhabited by HUNDREDS...HUNDREDS of rats who never leave it. According to our guide book there has never been in incident of disease there in over 600 years. It was such a shock to our conventional notion of places of worship, and I found that surprise to be fabulously hilarious.
Pause- I know this is getting lengthly... I'm providing you with another exit point- Last chance to abandon ship.
There are many more anecdotes which I'd love to share, but I think I'll opt for some reflection now instead. I came into this trip with literally no concept of what I was getting myself into. I feared the heat (intense but bearable) and pooing in my pants (stomach turns out to be a huge team player so far). Really, I am being unabashedly honest when I tell you that my only reason for coming was for the experience, whatever it may be, and to hang with Deb... granted, depending on who was asking my response sometimes included an interest prompted by my religious studies major, but I think I fabricated its role in my motivation. For the first several days I periodically found myself asking Debbie what the hell I'm doing here. I still dont know, but I am doing a lot of laughing and am no longer consumed by the question. We are both working towards, in our own ways, letting go of our egos at least a bit (PLEASE) and just not taking ourselves, this trip, or its implicit spiritual quest too seriously. So far that strategy is working out great. :)
We are getting along very well, drinking lots of water, taking lots of pictures (posted an album on facebook, for those who are interested), covering our heads from the sun, meeting lots of people and really just doing lots of happy hanging. We have certainly encountered some obstacles in these short-but-incredibly-long 9 days, but we're working on letting go of their hold over us... wish us luck?
I sincerely hope this email finds you all well. I would really love to hear from each of you, even if only a quick message about where you're at. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this absurd journey with me... I'll write again after a reasonable length of time passes- I suppose when that might be is entirely unpredictable. :)
With love until then and always,
Amy
ps hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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